28-year-old bride invites brother's ex instead of his wife in an attempt to set them up together again, he refuses to attend or even send a wedding gift: "She doesn't feel comfortable"

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    AITA for refusing to attend my sister's wedding-or give a gift-after she invited my ex but excluded my wife?

    My sister would rather include someone from my past over the person I've chosen to build a life with.
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    My (32F) sister (28F) is getting married in a few weeks. She recently sent out the official invites, and while I was included, my wife (30F) was not.
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    When I asked about it, my sister told me the decision was intentional. She said she wants her wedding to be "as peaceful as possible" and that she doesn't feel comfortable having my wife there. For context:
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    my wife and sister have never gotten along particularly well. There's no major incident or explosive history-just mutual dislike and a few passive-aggressive exchanges over the years. That said, my wife has always been respectful at family gatherings, and I've never seen her act out.
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    What makes this worse, though, is that my ex- girlfriend (whom I dated for four years before meeting my wife) is invited. My sister remained friends with her after we broke up six years ago. I
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    didn't love it, but I never made an issue of it. Still, it's incredibly hurtful to see that my sister would rather include someone from my past—someone I haven't spoken to in years-over the person I've chosen to build a life with.
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    I told my sister that I wasn't comfortable attending under these circumstances and that I wouldn't be sending a wedding gift either. I said if she doesn't recognize my wife as part of the family, then she shouldn't expect me to play along with the
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    celebration as if everything is fine. She accused me of being petty and trying to punish her for "setting boundaries." My parents have since called to say I'm overreacting and that I should "just go and keep the peace."
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    To me, this feels like more than a disagreement-it feels like a fundamental lack of respect for my marriage. But the family seems to think I'm making it about me.
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    AITA for refusing to attend the wedding and declining to give a gift because of how my wife has been treated?
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    coral225 Nta lemme guess: your ex is single?
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    No-Entry4129 OP Yeah, she is. And while I'd love to believe that's irrelevant, I can't help but wonder if there's more to the invite than just "staying friends." The fact that my wife wasn't invited, but someone I dated for four years was, definitely raises some
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    eyebrows. It just feels incredibly disrespectful- not just to my wife, but to our marriage. Whether it's intentional or not, it sends a message I can't ignore.
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    coral225 I think we can also guess why your sister doesn't like your wife. Yeah, don't go. If your parents tell you again to keep the peace, say that your sister is the one doing the shady sh, not you.
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    Low_Cook_5235 First of all "I can invite whomever I want" isn't a boundary. Second an invite isn't a court summons. You're not obligated to go. Third - you are keeping the peace. The peace between you and your wife. Tell your sister to worry about her own marriage.
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    jesssmiles89 Yeah, your sister 1000% did this with the intention of trying to set you up with your ex. Even if your ex maybe isn't in on the plan, this is
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    clearly what's happening. People get weird with weddings (the romance, the booze, etc) and I have for sure seen and been pushed into many attempts to set people up at weddings
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    FacetiousTomato Info; Your sister remained friends with your ex - was she friends with your ex before your relationship? Like is this a best friend of hers?
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    Also how large a wedding? If we're talking 12 people, I can see inviting a best friend and not an Inlaw - particularly if we have a known dislike for each other. Otherwise as written, NTA
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    No-Entry4129 OP Good questions—so to clarify: no, my wife is not friends with my ex. My sister is. They became close during the time I was dating my ex and stayed in touch after we broke up. My wife and ex have no relationship and haven't spoken in years.
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    As for the size of the wedding-it's not small. Around 100 guests, including extended family, coworkers, and a few mutual friends we haven't seen in ages. So this definitely wasn't a "tight guest list" situation.
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    FacetiousTomato Good questions-so to clarify: no, my wife is not friends with my ex. My sister is Sorry, edited but that was what I meant.
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    Yeah, NTA. You're not causing a scene, you're just refusing to go without your partner. How would you feel if wife was invited, but Ex is still invited?
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    AkwardAdventurer Agreed. She should have invited both and simply been ready to immediately bounce. your wife at the first sign of your wife causing any issues. Otherwise since they don't get a long, your wife gets an invite for being your wife and simply gets ignored day of.
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    GTdspDude Nah dude not inviting a sister's spouse to any wedding, however small, is not acceptable, it's poor manners / etiquette
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    celticmusebooks RSVP a sound NO and tell your parents that "keeping the peace" is a two way street and they need to speak to your sister about correct wedding etiquette.
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    DO send your sister a wedding gift-- a book on etiquette (Emily Post, Miss Manners, or Etiquette for Dummies are all good choices).
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    Take your wife somewhere AMAZING on the day of the wedding and post tons of pics. Caption them "nothing important going on so we're taking advantage with an all day date!"

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